Intrigued by anal sex, Tristan Taormino was discouraged that there were no resources familiarizing women with the ins and outs (no pun intended) of anal sex, and how it could be pleasurable for women. This made me realize how severely disadvantaged women are in their ability to develop their sexualities. Women are sexually repressed by the lack of resources available to them, which, if available, would enable them to independently explore their sexualities. As a result, women aren’t familiar with their own sexualities, making it difficult for them to be treated as equals in heterosexual relations as opposed to objects for male gratification.
While most boys are told that they will have “natural urges,” I’ve never heard of a girl whose parents or sex-ed teachers told her that she would also start having natural sexual desires. Similarly, though the mainstream media treats male masturbation as commonplace (suggesting that every guy does it, that – to an extent – it’s a right of passage, and making light of it in comedies [the famous There’s Something About Mary scene]), it is extremely taboo to talk about female masturbation.
It should come as no surprise, therefore, that there are many fewer resources for women seeking sexual arousal than for men. As Tristan attested, very few companies make pornos for women. The dangerous message sent is that a woman’s sexual urges are trivial, or should not be happening in the first place. This begs the question: if a woman isn’t in charge of her sexuality, who is? The answer implied by all the magazines and pornos geared towards male sexual gratification is that men should be in charge, women should only be in control when it suits the sexual needs of her male partner (i.e. he is aroused by it and, therefore, lets himself be the more submissive partner), and that it’s irrelevant if the female partner ever reaches orgasm.
To combat this repression, women need to take ownership of their sexualities by acknowledging their sexual urges, asserting that female masturbation is as normal as male masturbation, establishing in their own relationships that male and female pleasure are equally important, and demanding that resources be available to facilitate women in independently exploring their sexualities.
Source: Tristan Taormino video lecture. October 25, 2012.