Double Standards?

http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2012/09/dealbreaker-he-asked-me-to-pee-on-him/

I was browsing Clutch Magazine Online’s website, and I happened to stumble upon the article above. The title of the article sparked my curiosity because it sounded like something that was too ridiculous to be true. I started reading the article expecting to be entertained by the hilarity of an awkward situation. Although I chuckled at the climax of the article, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable when I finished reading it. I reread the article and was able to pinpoint the sources of my discomfort. The author of the article was infatuated with a boy at her school and was willing to do anything in her power to have sex with him. She even went as far as to wait until he was completely intoxicated before she made her move. This was the first source of my discomfort. She continued to pursue the boy, even though he was not in his right state of mind. The second source of my discomfort was when the boy asked the author to pee on him. I expected the author to use her better judgement, since the boy was intoxicated and in a more vulnerable position, and remove herself from that situation. Instead, she complied with his request, which resulted in an awkward goodbye the next morning. The article was intended to be comical, however if the roles were reversed and a man were to take a heavily intoxicated woman to her apartment and take advantage of her lowered inhibitions, there would be nothing funny about the situation. Although, the author was also pushed past her level of comfort, she initiated the situation by using the boy’s intoxication to her advantage.

Who do you think, for lack of better words, is the “victim” in this situation?

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2 Responses to Double Standards?

  1. bkraff says:

    I think that you bring up a very interesting point. At first glance reading this article, I would have simply chuckled at the situation as well and maybe thought that the girl had little respect for herself. Looking at it from the angle that you mentioned brings up an entirely more serious point of view. Women constantly fear the idea of rape. Constant stories are told that make us as women feel vulnerable and constantly at risk. Very rarely do we ever hear stories where the roles are in reverse.

    How is it fair for men to constantly be blamed for being the only perpetrators of rape? Although men statistically carry out the majority of rape incidents, women are at times the culprits as well. Taking advantage of a person, regardless of gender, should be considered a serious matter. This article undermines the severity of the issue by considering her situation humorous. If we as women want the double standard concerning gender roles to be eradicated, we have no right to make jokes about the idea of women taking advantage of men. By doing so, we are only encouraging the double standard to exist.

  2. I certainly agree that the author’s behavior leaves something to be desired. If we assume, as many do, that consent is impossible when intoxicated, the author’s behavior is inherently problematic. Especially considering Elijah seems to have voiced a desire he would not have voiced sober. Bussel would certainly take issue with this incident, as Elijah was impaired, and though the author was eager for sex, water sports weren’t on her agenda. But honestly, this isn’t what bothers me most about this article.

    Bussel’s entire discussion of consent as a process comes from BDSM. She makes reference to the Chart, which is the cornerstone of safe, sane, and consensual BDSM practice. And, working backwards, this idea of consent as a process is absolutely vital in the context of nonconventional sex, especially fetish. Such as water sports. Engaging in actual conversation about fantasy and fetish beforehand is essential. Otherwise, you end up like the author (and presumably Elijah, too), confused as to why your expectations weren’t met and marginally creeped out and/or disgusted with yourself.

    The real problem, though, is sex negativity. And maybe I’m just projecting because this article really isn’t biased so much as ignorant, but the lack of respect for fetishistic practices is a pet peeve of mine. It doesn’t have to turn you on. You don’t have to understand it. I, personally, have no interest whatsoever in water sports. However, it’s important to treat other people’s fetishes with respect. No matter how weird you find them.

    This is really a cultural problem regarding a widespread lack of knowledge of and respect for non-vanilla sex, but that’s something for another post.

    Source: Bussel, Rachel Kramer. “Beyond Yes or No: Consent as Sexual Process.”

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